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Wednesday, 05 January 2011

Wednesday, 01 December 2010

  • Hopscotch, Lollipops and sunshine.

    I need someone to pray with - against silly fears and things that I know are not really valid reasons to baulk at answering God's instructions. Nevertheless, I'm scared.

    I could go to Laos and help in Pastor Ian's social enterprise.

    I could go to Daily Scoop to work part time.

    It's odd that it's the second one that scares me - and it's also the one that God wants me to do - since its so much less of a shift in lifestyle. But I tell you, it's not the change in schedule that scares me; it's the fact that in Laos, I'd be uncomfortable working with people I've not been in touch in for a long time and whom I never really knew all that well in the first place, but in Daily Scoop, I'll be working with strangers, for strangers. Strangeness - newness, actually - scares me.

    I'm conservative for the wrong reasons and God wants to break me out of that. And I'm scared because I know that this is what He's working on right now. I mentioned a few months back that God wants to take away all my fish bowls - the world view limited by my weakness, as well as the world view limited by my strengths - but it's scary, it's frightening, and I would like someone to pray with over this.

    This is like an adult being terrified by a five year old's nightmare. It's embarrassing, but the fear no less real for that.

Sunday, 07 November 2010

  • Thoughts from the shower

    I was reflecting on psuedo-wisdom just now. Often, I find myself listening in to a conversation on something - education, government, social ills, social interactions - and at some point I decide to chip in with my little convictions, thinking that I would add some of my "wisdom" to the conversation. More often than not, someone says something, or asks a question that immediately sets me a step or two back with the realisation that perhaps I had been a little too narrow in my thinking and perhaps had an unrealistic assumption or two in my ideal thought world.

    As I thought of this, I recalled a small passage I read in "Hogfather", in which one character says, regarding her grandfather's view on the problem of poverty and starvation, that the solution to starvation was to give everyone a good meal. Another character comments that he'd look at the prevailing political situation, economics, etc etc...

    ... Surely, the grandfather's approach sounds so much more real and personal. Caring, if you will. And it's also a typical response that I would give. But honestly? It's also naive. Of course, if you think about it, "giving everyone a good meal" would work, in a perfect world where everyone was like-minded and caring - and willing to serve each other for free. That's the underpinning of marxist philosophy, I suppose. Sadly, the reality of the world around us demonstrates so clearly that such a vision simply doesn't work. We see selfishness everywhere - from the ceaseless crying of babies to the unending rhetoric of "I want" in childhood, to attention-whoring puberty and the to power-play and greed of adulthood. Of course, there are sparks of compassion and love, and even selfless giving at times, but this generally forms the pretty dressing to the lousy main course.

    It's probably silly to think that politics is only selfishness in a more sophisticated packaging, But I can't help but think how similar the ideal christian community is to the marxist ideal. "Giving everyone a good meal" is supposed to work. "Progress" in which the rich get richer and the poor, poorer is a lie. But the taint of selfishness and insecurity - sin, basically - ensures that this is not going to happen today, or tomorrow, or at any point on this side of eternity.

Monday, 23 August 2010

  • Frustrated!

    I'm trying to prepare for cell - It's part of the God and work series, and this week, it's on failure, diappointment and hope at the workplace.

    I'm feeling really frustrated because I don't know what there is to talk about. To me, it's so straightforward and clear cut - if you fail/are disappointed, there is a huge mix of emotions, but ultimately, it's just remembering that we are not created for failure; God intends all things for good. If someone's disappointed you, forgive, it's not always easy, and there is a huge difference between forgiving and investing trust, but we are to forgive. Hope is simply the promise that Jesus makes all things beautiful in its time.

    what else is there to say? How's this supposed to be a discussion? I suppose it's mostly them sharing their personal situations and struggles. I do wish there was more I could bring to the table. But then, it's not about what I want to teach, is it? I'm not going to waste time ranting this time. I just wish I could feel a little more prepared and sure about what I'm supposed to help bring across. Just don't want that sort of situation where I push out an open ended question, which promptly gets sucked into a black hole, leaving a stupid, awkward silence which no one's going to bother to fill. Typically, I'll just do a stupid filler with one of my own stories and then move on. That always makes me feel like I don't even need to pretend that nothing happened.

    Yes, yes, I know - I'm being ultra-pessimistic again, aren't I? Knowing that just adds to my frustration. Need to go and pray, will be back eventually.

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Crysen

  • Visit Crysen's Xanga Site
    • Name: Hanmin
    • Location: Singapore, Singapore
    • Birthday: 1/17/1983
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 5/25/2005

About Me

  • I'm different. I know who I am. I am a child of God. I am not perfect, but One makes me perfect. I am not sinless, but He guides me to righteousness. I am proud, but He humbles me. I am weak, He is my strength. I am ashamed to love, but He loves me unreservedly. He is Jesus: Redeemer, Saviour, Friend